2023-08-23

welcome to spirit island

so there was mention in the 68-spirit pbp about writing a parody of welcome to the internet about spirit island. so i wrote one.

welcome to the island
look at these dahan
also these invaders treating this place like catan
we've got mountains and wetlands
and jungles and sands
let's fight all these invaders and recover our lands

welcome to the island
make the sun beat down
you can sweep invaders straight into the sea where they will drown
turn explorers into wolves overnight
your shadows flickering will give them some fright

welcome to the island
cause a raging storm
send a flaming pillar at invaders, they'll feel very warm
be burning
be flooding
be melting the ground
or wash away explorers, push them around

welcome to the island
make a frightful scream
here's a new piece of the island that you once thought was a dream
we've got earthquakes, tsunamis, and rocks in the ground
and a bunch of complications where you weave two different lands together and they become one land for everything

welcome to the island
your tree is very tall
make invaders try to run their plows into the thorny wall
you can let a swarm of locusts
wipe out all their crops
or have your tigers turn their builders to chops

see the island changing
be insightful, take a sun
make invaders very mad and
shoot each other with their guns

start the rumor of their doom or
make volcanoes go kaboom or
choke invaders with a shroom or
smell a fume or cause a bloom or burn their

here's the healthy island event
we've stopped all the blight
here's a very useless fear card
the dahan put up a fight

which force of nature are you
playing with this game
this island has some spirits that will
cause in va ders shame

we're destroying them with everything
all of the time
killing them with everything
all of the time
invaders causing tragedies
but nature's fixing crime
anything and everything
all of the time

you know, it wasn't always like this
not very long ago
just before your time
right before invaders came, everything was fine

you're a peaceful lake
which we'd take
a small sip or two
we set our sights and spent our nights
hanging near you, you, the beautiful you

then ships landed on the island
there were barely two
and they did all the things
we're afraid they would do

now look at you, oh
look at you, you, you
you're bleeding and wounded too
our time is now
we're watching out
look at how they grew

and if we stick together
who knows what we'll do
it was never the plan
but now the world's in our hands

*nervous laughter blending into evil laughter*

we're destroying them with everything
all of the time
killing them with everything
all of the time
invaders causing tragedies
but nature's fixing crime
anything and everything
all of the time

we're destroying them with everything
all of the time
killing them with everything
all of the time
invaders causing tragedies
but nature's fixing crime
anything and everything
and anything and everything
and anything and everything
all of the time

i actually wrote a second one. this is what i imagine a fear token to represent:

welcome to the island
have a look around
anything that randomly can happen can be found
there are mountains and wetlands
and jungles and sands
we tried to colonize this place, but nature's got hands

welcome to the island
the sun is beating down
there are currents sweeping you into the sea where you will drown
your friends are turning into wolves overnight
the stars don't like you so don't follow their light

welcome to the island
hide from lightning strikes
the trees are sharp and glossy, they'll impale you with their spikes
we're burning
we're drowning
we're sinking in mud
this river has a massive seasonal flood

welcome to the island
don't listen to that scream
well our neighbor city vanished, looks like they were just a dream
we've got earthquakes, tsunamis, and beasts in the ground
and this stone is very hard to mine and we're breaking ourselves trying to quarry any resources from it

welcome to the island
this tree is very tall
be careful you don't run your plows into the thorny wall
there are lots of scary monsters
coming from the sea
this peaceful lake is now devouring me

see a tree exploding
get attacked while finding gold
follow others who act like you
here are monsters, you'll get rolled

start the rumor of your doom or
hear volcanoes go kaboom or
see the flowers in full bloom or
smell a fume or eat a shroom or get a

here's a place that's quickly rotting
natives killed your wife
there's a group of tigers hunting
here's a flower causing strife

which force of nature are you
falling victim to
this island sends disasters just for
ter ror i zing you

they're bombarding us with everything
all of the time
scaring us with everything
all of the time
nature's causing tragedies
like we've committed crime
anything and everything
all of the time

you know, it wasn't always like this
not very long ago
just before your time
right before the city fell, 1599

we were finding fault
mining salt
a crystal or two
we set our sights and spent our nights
digging it through, and we found something too

we just landed on the island
it was fairly new
and we did all the things
that we wanted to do

now look at us, oh
look at us, us, us
unstoppable, watchable
our time is now
our inside's out
look at how we grew

and if we stick together
who knows what we'll do
it was always the plan
to put the world in our hands

*evil laughter blending into screaming*

they're bombarding us with everything
all of the time
scaring us with everything
all of the time
nature's causing tragedies
like we've committed crime
anything and everything
all of the time

they're bombarding us with everything
all of the time
scaring us with everything
all of the time
nature's causing tragedies
like we've committed crime
anything and everything
and anything and everything
and anything and everything
all of the time